no matter , how tiny they are
they hurt and they pinch
and you bleed
a transparent blood
which no one can see
they laugh at you
and want you to laugh
they get angry
and i am scared
I AM SCARED
of these things
"तुम्हारे पास हूँ लेकिन जो दूरी है समझता हूँ
तुम्हारे बिन मेरी हस्ती अधूरी है समझता हूँ
तुम्हे मै भूल जाऊँगा ये मुमकिन है नही लेकिन
तुम्ही को भूलना सबसे ज़रूरी है समझता हूँ"
I loved these lines, and immeidiatly thought, do we have this kind of lovers,which the poet is depicting, Do people really love somebody that much, If really there is this kind of love than why don't i have it.I wish i had somebody who loved me so much , as much as the poet here, loves his beloved .
I had never thought about this crazyness which i have. Is it a good thing to have this weird ness or a bad thing i don't know. Do something on impuse is one of my major charachterstics. I wonder, if i was in this situation, where I was standing on a cliff and sombody was to challenge me to jump, i might just jump, just to shut them up.Its hard being this person, always having to fight with the crazyness and the good person that i am, thanks to my parents. always trying to find a balance, always walking ona tight rope of happiness, and sadness,.
I had never thought, that I would live up to to celebrate my 25th wedding anniversary. I thought it was old people's duty, which they go through, silver anniversary, golden anniversary and all that. but no, here i am 25 years later, married to the same man, who was chosen by my dad., for better or worse, as they say in England. Achievement wise, i have two very beautiful children, very beautiful indeed . they are my Bsc and Msc degree, so to say.
Its funny as I remember the tiniest of detail of my wedding day, yet i keep forgetting, what i did yesterday. i remember, seeing myself, with full sindhur in my head, in the middle of the night, after i was married.
that red line, still continues , even though i don't wear sindhur any more, English EESSHTYLE.
Marriage, now I know, is living together, to protect and work for what is important to you. Marriage I believe is like a house. you keep all your emotions, desires, fears, achievements locked in. you open just a window or two, for close friends and family, to peek in if you have any problems, but lock the main door, don't let any one come in. coz once the main door is open....... god forbid, anything can happen.
so we did not celebrate, the 25th, vandana's style, with party and food etc, but celebrating we are all in our own way.