Thursday, 1 December 2016

सुकून का रंग

सुकून का रंग

कस्तूरी की सुगंध सा महकता  है
हमारे जिगर में ही कहीं पर पलता है

सुकून का रंग बड़ा धुंआ सा है
गहरी साँस  की उथल पथल  सा है

एक मैं ,और एक मेरे जहन का घर
सुकून  फिर न जाने क्यों बेघर सा है 

Monday, 19 September 2016


मेरा पता  मेरे नाम में नहीं
घर के द्वार पर  नहीं
इ-मेल ई.डी पर नहीं
फ़ोन की डिरेक्ट्री  में भी नहीं
किसी के कांटेक्ट लिस्ट में नहीं
किसी भी गाँव , शहर , दूकान, मकान
पर  नहीं
पता तो मेरा ये है की
हज़्ज़ारो हमनाम लोगों में भी
जब आपको मेरी  याद आए
तो सिर्फ और सिर्फ मेरा  चेहरा
आपकी जहन में  आए

Dear 16 year old BANDHANA,

Dear 16 year old BANDHANA, now that I look back at you, I see a very scared  dark skinned young girl, who always pretended to be brave and outgoing.

A life chosen by your Dad to be in the midst of modern  Lutyen's Delhi but to  pretend to  grow up like a shy demure Bihari girl,must have been difficult for you. I  have always wondered what made your Dad send you to English medium school  in Delhi and then to Delhi University for graduation, He could have saved so much money by just keeping you in the village, after all you were just going to get married have kids and settle down somewhere.

Life must have been tough for you to have very orthodox parents who made so many rules to keep you on the right path, and you with your free spirit, always ready to fly like a bird.You had learn to read people from a very young age so you would knew who was good and who was bad. I now know that even when you pretended to trust everybody and yet you had  never trusted anybody, You had  always trusted yourself.

You had such low esteem of yourself. In your world, you were very dark, the whole world was oh so fair,. in your world ,you were just so  plain, the whole world was just so beautiful in your world,you were so  so thin, the whole world was just so errrmmmm fat.

I can see you now how difficult it would have been for you to fall in love, to make good friends and to keep them forever. I can see now how many people wanted to be your friend, but you were so unsure and so doubtful of  everybody.


Wow your confidence ,  your confidence was one thing I had always admired you for , I wonder now where did your confidence came from?? I guess your true nature, your ability to empathise with anybody, and your willingness to help anybody in any situation were the qualities which compensated  for the weakness you had. You were a FRIEND to whoever wanted to be your friend and it was  a very serious relationship for you Even though you were scared so many times, you would go and threat somebody or anybody for a friend, that attitude of yours has not changed,

To take life as it comes and to make it beautiful in any circumstances is an art, and you learnt it when you were very young.You would laugh and make everybody laugh with you. You had this weird sense of humour, which has not left you even now.

Your name had to be changed from a Bihari Bandhana to  coolio Vandana. Little did you know that you would end up In U.K where it would be shortened to Van.......

Monday, 18 July 2016

फिर तेरी याद आ रही है मुझको

फिर तेरी याद आ रही है मुझको
फिर अश्को मेँ छुपाया है तुझको

फिर युहीं हवा का झोंका भी
गीत तेरे सुनाता है मुझको

फिर युही चाँद बादलों में छुप छुप कर
मेरी  छत से पुकारता है तुझको

फिर तेरी याद आ रही है मुझको
फिर अश्को मेँ छुपाया है तुझको

दिल पर पत्थर रख लो

दिल पर पत्थर रख लो
की रख लेने से मन के दुःख
नहीं उड़ पाएँगे
और उमड़ते आँसू  भी
कहीं हथेलियों में दब जाएगें
और तुम मुसकरा कर
जमाने को बहला देना
और सुनो यही चलन है नियति का
कि तपता  सूरज भी पहाड़ों में सो जाता है
और अँधेरी रात भी धीरे से उतर जाती है
और जब तुम फिर से महसूस कर  पाओ
तो दर्द को तकिए से निकाल
आसमान में उड़ा देना
और  मुसकराते  चेहरे से
चाँद को बता देना की
काले बादलों के बाद सितारों से
सजा आसमान है
और तुम्हे चाहने वालों से भरा जहाँ है 

Saturday, 25 June 2016

Have faith HE said.......... it was message to me the direct message.

Have faith things will fold out the way it is meant to be.
Have faith you will be happy
Have faith life will treat you good.

BUT the thing is

I am not a follower. I do not follow what is being told, actually i turned around and do the stuff what i am told not to do.....

12th June 2016

so what was it... the minute Guruji's trip was announced in UK, I wanted the front seat in The Bridgewater audotorium in manchester,so who was it who compelled me to get a seat so that i could see HIM directly,Who was inside me feeling so proud to go to an auditorium and be happy to take this decision

I am not follower,

so why did i follow Guruji to Manchester , to liverpool and to Edinburgh.

13th June 2016 Monday
Liverpool experience was just so brilliant . may be once in a life time experience, which i would cherish for my entire life.

Guru ji entered in the room and I hurriedly run to him for a close contact, and my mind started saying. he seemed darker than yesterday, and than he walked around to go to his stage. and I saw a direct eye contact which was so clear but i did not believe it, How could Guruji can see me and wave at me, i just stared and smiled and laughed  did not bow down did not say anything....

when the question answers starts .  Only thing going in my brain is what Jagadish said in the morning . Tonight might be the night...everything became a blur .I had to get up with a thumping heart, breathing so fast that i could have died.. and i asked How do i get a picture taken with YOU ?? also what are Thought? and why do we have negative thoughts...... He explained and said HAVE FAITH

This line will stay with me forever. His direct stare will stay with me forever. my sitting near his footsteps and him hiding his face will stay with me forever.....

 (17th  June 2016 )also the walk near Lake Katerine.. the mosquito bites. taking sumathi to get a picture, the beautiful drive to Edinburgh with a very beautiful person Vidya. and my content soul which did not want to go near Guruji. did not want to touch him or have photo with him... It was at peace. FINALLY.

I am filled with gratitude. i am filled with joy and happiness. Like Dalip at liverpool says. YOU ARE JOY YOU ARE PEACE AND YOU ARE LOVED

Monday, 6 June 2016


दिल की शिकयत है मुझसे 
की मैं उससे बोलती क्यों नहीं 

मेरी शिकायत है दिल से 
की वो उसे भूलता क्यों नहीं 

उसकी शिकायत है मुझसे 
की मैं  उसके साथ  क्यों नहीं 

शिकायतों भरी दुनिया में कहो 
प्यार समझाने कहाँ जाएँ ????

कभी अंगार उगलता सूरज
कभी प्यार बरसाता  बादल
तुम आ जाते अगर जीवन में तो
मौसम को रोज बदलना न पड़ता....... वंदना 

Tuesday, 24 May 2016

उसने भी खुद को इतना मसरूफ कर लिया 
की खुद से  भी मिलने का वक़्त नहीं मिलता (वंदना)

Wednesday, 11 May 2016

पढ़ी थी मैंने उसकी ख़ामोश आँखों में इक कहानी......
बहा न पाया  था मेरी याद को उसके आँख का पानी। 

Tuesday, 15 March 2016

फिर एक आह सी निकल पड़ी है दिल से
जिंदगी फिर आज तुमसे हमने समझौता कर लिया   (वन्दना )

Monday, 14 March 2016

"तुम्हारी याद"

"तुम्हारी याद" तुम्हारे बाद क्यों, पागल सी दिखती है 
फटे कपडे , उलझे बाल ,लिए कोने में बैठी है

इसे मालुम न था,पर  इसका यही हश्र होना था 
तुम्हे मालुम था, तुम्हे छोड़  के जाना था

मुझे लगता है ये युहीं हर रोज भटकेगी 
कभी इससे , कभी उससे तुम्हारा हाल पूछेगी

फिर एक दिन आएगा जब ये जान जाएगी
शायद रोए पर फिर शायद  मान जाएगी

की "तुम्हारी याद "थी , और कुछ भी नहीं थी वो
महज एक भ्रम  थी और कुछ भी नहीं थी वो

"तुम्हारी याद" का  दिल भी जरूर टूटा  होगा 
मगर छोड़ो ,कुछ नहीं सिर्फ एक किस्सा था 

Monday, 11 January 2016

हूँ तो मैं ठीक ही ऐसा लगता है
कुछ तो है जो चुभता सा  रहता है 
कितना बैचैन सा है ये दिल

घर की याद नहीं आती
बाहर दिल नहीं लगता